Fifty Words: Sam & Max
by SSBFreak
Summary: A little fifty word challenge involving everyone's favourite dog and rabbity thing.


Author's Note: I've decided to jump onto the 50-Word bandwagon and do a few stories like this. How it works is that you take fifty random words and create a couple of lines based around those words. I guess we'll see how this goes…

Fifty Words – Sam & Max

**1 – Last**

Sybil opened the door to the office and froze. Sam was holding onto Max's ears and had him in a painful-looking headlock while Max was biting hard on Sam's side and kicking his back. Sam stood tall on his desk as the two struggled with each other.

Sybil rolled her eyes and left the office again. The boys were fighting over the last donut again…

**2 – Trade**

"I've got the grub, little buddy!" Sam announced as he entered the office. Max responded with an "Oh, goodie!" and rushed over.

"Okay. There's the Sloppy James for me and the Saltine Sandwich for you." Sam said.

The two were about to dig in when they caught a glimpse of what the other was having. The two looked at each other for a few seconds before promptly switching.

**3 – Siren**

"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes! Yee-haw! She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes!"

Pedestrians held their ears as Sam & Max drove down the streets with Max screaming into his megaphone. The two detectives HAD a normal siren, so why wouldn't they ever USE it?!

**4 – Realize**

"Uh…Sybil, dear? I just realized something." Abe said as he and Sybil were on their honeymoon.

"Yes, honey?"

"How are we…Uh…Going to…Do it?"

Sybil's eyes widened.

**5 – Still**

Sam stared at Max's unmoving form for a long time. He remained silent and refused to take his eyes off of his little buddy in front of him. After what seemed like an eternity to Sam, a lone tear formed at the canine's eye. Sam started shaking for a little bit before finally relenting.

He blinked.

Max laughed. "Yes! I win again!" He cheered.

Sam sighed. He'd beat Max at a staring contest ONE of these days…

**6 – Rage**

"Aw, c'mon! You never let me drive, Sam!"

"That's because the last time you drove, you suffered what people call road rage and flattened everything you came across."

"I prefer to call it turning my aggressions on those handy enough to be in the area at the time."

**7 – Tomato**

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Brady Culture!"

Brady Culture, having decided to start a stand-up comedy act, walked onto the stage. "Thank you, everyone! It's great to finally be-" That was all Brady could get out before a tomato splattered over his face. When Brady got a better look, he saw that there were only two people there.

"You suck, Culture!" Max jeered as Sam prepared to throw another tomato.

Brady moaned and sulked off the stage.

**8 – Alive**

"_Look at me; Still talking when there's science to do. When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you."_ Max sang as he tightened his boxing glove and stood over Peepers' downed (and by now un-hypnotized) form. _"I've experiments to run, there's research to be done on the people who are still alive!"_

Max gave a grin as Specs ran past, acting like him thanks to the accidental mass-hypnotization. "I love my job." He said as he gave chase.

**9 – Surprise**

Sam approached Bosco for what seemed like the fifteenth time. "Do you have any…Rubber chickens with a pulley in the middle?" He jokingly asked.

"A shipment just came in today, actually." Bosco said brightly as he pulled a rubber chicken from below the counter. Sure enough, it had a pulley in it.

Sam and Max looked at each other. For once, Bosco had actually outwitted them, even if he had done so without knowing it…

**10 – Clown**

"_**CLOWN!!! KILL IT!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!"**_

Sam placed his hands on his hips as he watched Max hysterically chase a clown around with a Molotov cocktail.

"Oh, yeah! THAT'S why I don't bring Max to the circus anymore!" Sam said in remembrance.

**11 – Snow**

"Hey, dog-face! It's snowin' outside!" Jimmy Two-Teeth announced as he and his family raced to the door. "It hardly ever snows in this city!"

"I know. Max and I haven't seen snow here in ages." Sam nodded.

"Does he know it's snowing?"

"Yeah. He's out there with his flame-thrower, telling the snow to stay away for good this time."

**12 – Coffee**

Stinky watched with wide eyes as Max zoomed back and forth through the diner, all over the walls and even across the ceiling. He even excitedly tried to pick a fight with the stuffed bass on the wall.

Through this, Sam simply sat on his stool at the counter, a casual look on his face.

"You gave him normal coffee instead of decaf, didn't you, Stinky?" Sam asked.

"It was an honest mistake!" Stinky insisted.

**13 – Impact**

"Hand over the purse and I won't hurt ya, lady!" A thug demanded as Sybil quickly backed away. "What's the matter? Scared of me?!"

"Uh…No. I just don't want to be in range." Sybil said, looking up.

The thug curiously looked up and saw a smoking Desoto spiraling straight down towards him from the sky. The white rabbit-like thing in the passenger seat was screaming "BANZAI!!!".

This was going to hurt.

**14 – Shave**

Sam blinked in confusion as he saw Max leave the office's bathroom, not looking too pleased. He looked normal except for the fact that the lower half of his head had now been shaven, showing the pink skin he had underneath.

Sam stood in silence as Max walked up beside him. "Uh…"

"I forgot I was covered with fur, okay?!"

**15 – Eyes**

"Come on, Superball! Take the shades off!" Max pleaded. "We've never seen you without them!"

"There's a reason for that, sir." Superball said plainly.

"You know he's not going to let it go, Superball." Sam said.

Superball sighed and lifted his shades. Sam and Max screamed in fright as Superball put the shades back on. "Don't ever do that again!" Max ordered.

"Very good, sir." Superball said, flashing a very slight smirk.

**16 – Hair**

Max grinned as he held Brady Culture's recently-shaved afro in his hands. Max shoved the afro onto his head. "Look at me, Sam! I'm an underpaid actor that no one remembers!"

"You crack me up, little buddy."

**17 – Misery**

Max sat at his little desk, arms folded and ears uncharacteristically drooped low. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so down in the dumps. Sam noticed the upset look on Max's face and decided to prod. "What's wrong, Max?"

"We're out of cheese again." Max pouted.

**18 – Tooth**

"Hey, Sam! Look what I've got!" Max came rushing into the office, waving a tooth. "Now the tooth fairy's gonna come and leave me a whack of dough!"

Sam looked at the tooth in Max's hand. "That isn't your tooth, little buddy!"

"Nah, it came out of a guy's mouth after I socked him." Max shook his head. "Why? Would the tooth fairy dock my pay or something?"

**19 – Water**

The constant dripping coming from the leaky faucet in starting to get on Max's last nerve. The white rabbit-thing had been trying to get to sleep for half an hour and the only thing preventing himself from slumber was that stupid drip…

Finally, Max snapped. Leaping out of his bed, Max let out a psychotic battle cry and lunged into the bathroom. He emerged with the entire faucet in his hands and a satisfied smirk on his face. Now he could finally get to sleep…

**20 – Birds**

A lone pigeon landed on an open windowsill. It cooed and pecked at a few crumbs for a few seconds.

"_**GET OFFA OUR WINDOWSILL!!"**_ Max screamed as he hurled a boot at the pigeon, striking it and causing it to fall all the way down to the pavement, beside another pigeon.

"Rule number one, kiddo." The unharmed pigeon told the injured one. "Never land on Sam & Max's windowsill."

**21 – Three**

"_Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!" "Woop-woop-woop!" "Shaddap, ya sap!"_

Max sat in front of the TV, giggling happily as he watched the zany antics of the three black and white men on the screen. Meanwhile, Sam stood at the doorway, scratching his head. To this day, he still didn't know why watching the Three Stooges was the only time Max wasn't destroying something. Maybe he just liked watching other people do it…

**22 – Tape**

"Uh…It's not like I don't appreciate the sale, guys, but why are you buying all the duct tape I've got?" Bosco asked as Max carried two armfuls of silver tape out the door.

"Max suddenly decided that he likes girls again and he's going to see if he can get one." Sam shrugged casually. "I give him about three hours before he's back to normal."

**23 – Ink**

"Hey, Sybil! How much for this?" Max asked as he pointed to Sybil's tattoo equipment.

"I'm not in the tattoo business anymore, Max. You know that." Sybil replied. "Besides, the ink is so old I doubt you'd get a good tattoo out of it, anyway."

"I know. I was asking how much you wanted for the ink. I've got this wicked prank idea that I wanna play on Sam."

"Um…Ten bucks?"

"Sweet!"

**24 – Kids**

"And where might you be going, little buddy?" Sam asked as he saw Max grabbing a rocket launcher from the closet.

"I'm going over to 4Kids to destroy the place and kill the morons in charge for ruining awesome shows." Max replied, surprisingly darkly.

"Max, don't you think that starting a war on an animation studio is a little too much?"

"Who's starting a war? I'm going over to join the rest of the people about to tear the place down!"

**25 – Ring**

Three figures stood over the storm drain on the street. One was holding what looked like a fishing line, as if trying to find something in the storm sewers.

"H-Hey! I think I've got it!" Max said as he started lifting the newfound treasure from the sewer, only to see that it was a rubber washer. "Man. It's always washers."

Sam turned to the third person. "How in the blazes did you drop Sybil's webbing ring down there, anyway?" He asked suspiciously.

The Monster looked away innocently. "Um…I…Don't know?"

**26 – Hero**

Max looked out the office window, where people were running and screaming in fright simply by looking up at him. "Hey, Sam? Why is everyone so afraid of us? We just saved the town from Hugh Bliss and that hypnotization scam of his!" He said.

Sam came over. "I think it may have something to do with the fact that you knocked everyone's lights out." He said.

"It was for a good cause!"

"You knocked Whizzer out fifteen times."

"It felt good!"

**27 – Banana**

Max stared at the bunch of bananas sitting on the counter. Rubbing his chin in thought, Max suddenly grinned and took a banana off the bunch.

"How's a banana split sound, Sam?" Max called out as he placed the banana on the counter.

"Say! That sounds good, little buddy!" Sam's voice called back.

"Great!" Max said as he pulled a giant meat cleaver from behind his back and held it high above his head.

**28 – Punch**

Sybil and Abe's wedding was going nicely. Almost TOO nicely for Max's taste. The mischievous little rabbit-thing snuck over to the punch bowl and unloaded a bottle of vodka into it.

"That should liven the day up a little bit." Max nodded. He was about to take off before pausing. Curiously, he took a sip of his sabotaged punch and grinned. "Man! I'm a better cook than I thought!"

**29 – Story**

"Hey, Sam! Check this out!" Max said. Sam walked over to find Max on the internet. "Some people write stories about us! I've seen some real good ones too!"

"My. That's an interesting surprise. I guess we're more popular with people than we thought." Sam noted.

"Look at this. 'The Sam x Max Fanfiction Archive'." Max noted. "Maybe there're some stories about us fighting some awesome supervillains!"

"Uh…Max…I don't think you should…" Sam said before noticing that Max was already reading a story. Sam rolled his eyes and folded his arms. "5…4…3…2…1."

"_**WE MUST FIND THEM!!! WE MUST DESTROY EVERY FIBRE OF THEIR BEINGS!!!"**_

**30 – Doll**

"Max, what are you doing with a doll of Brady Culture?" Sam asked. "You don't want to encourage the guy by buying his merchandise, you know."

"I know that, Sam." Max nodded. "This was the only way I could think of to get my hands on a voodoo doll of him."

Sam brightened up. "Can I join in?"

**31 – Dirt**

"I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt!" Max sang merrily as he danced around with a jar filled with dirt. He was instantly in Sam's face. "And guess what's inside it!"

Sam lifted an eyebrow. "Jimmy Two-Teeth?" He said.

Max pouted as he reached into the jar and pulled out a rat. "Way to ruin it, Sam." He said.

"Maybe I should find a new office to move into…" Jimmy coughed as he scurried back to his house.

**32 – Weapon**

"Hey, Max! Jurgen's back in town and he's terrorizing the people of the city!" Sam announced.

"Oh, goody! It's been so long since we kicked his pasty, white butt back to Germany!" Max said. "What weapon do you think we should use this time, Sam?"

"The bazooka's looking a little dusty."

"Oh! Excellent choice!"

**33 – Psychic**

"Max, come here." Sybil instructed. "I've always been curious to see what's going through your head, so I've going to do a little psychiatric trick on you."

"I like tricks!" Max nodded. "But only if they involve wanton destruction."

Sybil seemed to ignore Max and placed a hand on the rabbit-thing's head. Three seconds later, Sybil's eyes snapped open as she screamed and retracted her hand. "W-What do you THINK about, Max?!" She demanded.

Max shrugged. "Cheese, mostly."

**34 – Shopping**

"Okay. That's thirty bags of chips, nineteen bottles of pop and more licorice than I care to count." Bosco said as he rung Sam and Max through the till. "There a big event going on at the office, guys?"

"Sure is. We've been waiting all summer for it." Sam nodded.

Bosco grinned. "A big game on TV?"

"Oh, heck no! The linoleum in the office is starting to curl!" Max cheered.

**35 – Denial**

Sam folded his arms as he looked at Max suspiciously. He had been getting his little buddy to admit to something for a while, but Max was too stubborn to confess. Sam suddenly came up with an idea and stuck his tongue out at Max tauntingly. Max, a little taken aback, didn't step down and did the same. However, that's when Sam saw that Max's tongue was now covered with red and white stripes.

"A-ha! I knew it!" Sam said with a smirk. "You DID steal my candy cane!"

"Aw, nutbunnies!" Max muttered.

**36 – Fad**

"And now that I have you two in my grasp, no one will be able to stop me!" Brady Culture laughed maniacally (or at least tried to) as Sam and Max were tied to a pair of cutting tables.

"Chuck Norris could stop you." Max supplied.

Brady stopped and glared. "Well, duh. It's OBVIOUS Chuck Norris could stop me." He replied. "I just thought it was obvious enough that I didn't need to bring it up."

"Oh! Got it!"

**37 – Lock**

"…And with this new lock-system we have for the office, we won't need to worry about those late-night crooks coming by to swipe our stuff." Sam announced, showing Max the front door to the office, which had been outfitted with dozens of complex-looking locks.

"Oh, goody! I've always lost hours of sleep worrying about my floss collection!" Max nodded. "So where's the keys to the locks, anyway?"

"Well, to keep robbers from stealing them from us, I've strategically placed them inside a box…Inside…The…" Sam trailed off when he realized that the keys were still inside and he had just locked the two out. "…Office."

Sam scratched his head and tried to open the door. He didn't get anywhere. "We may have to rev up your chainsaw, little buddy." He said.

**38 – Green**

Sam blinked in confusion as he looked around the office. The walls, the floor, the furniture and everything else in the room was now coloured in various shades of green. Max proudly came over.

"Like it, Sam? It's part of a little something I'm going through called my 'Green Period'." Max proclaimed. "Just like that old painter guy."

"Uh…That was a 'Blue Period', little buddy." Sam replied.

Max paused. "Well, THAT'S just great! Now I have to go out and buy thirty-two gallons of blue paint!" He said as he brushed past Sam and left the office.

**39 – Doctor**

"Hey, Max? Remember that kooky mad doctor we came across during our little trip across the country?" Sam asked.

"Oh, yeah! The guy whose head turned out to be an active bomb when I ripped it off his body?" Max asked. "I loved that guy!"

"Yeah. Good times." Sam nodded.

Silence.

"…We forgot to untie that girl he was holding captive, didn't we?" Max said.

"Yep. We sure did."

**40 – Lost**

"We're lost." Max said.

"No, we're not." Sam shook his head as he continued to drive. "I'm just taking a different way back to the office."

"We're SO lost." Max rolled his eyes.

"Look, there's a guy up there. I'll ask him where we are and we'll be on our way." Sam said as he pulled over and looked at a pedestrian. "Hey, buddy! You know the quickest way to get to Fifth Street from here?"

The pedestrian gave a response that Sam couldn't understand. Sam figured that he was better off on his own and kept driving.

"That guy was Japanese." Max said.

"Be quiet! We're NOT lost!"

**41 – Paranoia**

"Bosco?...Uh, Bosco?" Sam asked as he and Max entered the store. "Can we get a witness here?"

"Psst! Guys! Over here!"

The two looked and saw Bosco peering over from behind his counter. He looked mortified (which was pretty normal, actually). "What's eating you this time, Bosco?" Sam asked.

"It's that statue-loving woman! She's got it in for me!" Bosco hissed.

"Sybil? You KNOW Sybil, Bosco." Sam replied. "What makes you think she's after you even though you've known her for years?"

"She's working with the government, man! It's a conspiracy!" Bosco replied. "She's the queen of Canada and she's marrying the statue of an American president! There's something seriously wrong with that!"

"You're officially the second-most paranoid person I've ever met, Bosco." Sam shook his head.

Max blinked, then grinned viciously. "I gotta meet this other guy!" He said.

**42 – Dictionary**

"Okay, Max. I'm going to say a word and you tell me what the first thing you think of is, okay?" Sybil asked.

Max shrugged. "I dunno how you'll find out more about me like that, but sure."

"Okay. 'Dictionary'."

"Paperweight!"

Sybil wrote a note down. "Well, I've just found out how literate you are, so that's a start."

**43 – Target**

"Look at that, Sam!" Max pointed out as Sam was driving towards the scene of a crime. "That chuckle-head thinks he can out-drive us!"

Indeed, there was a suspect jumping into a nearby van, which quickly drove off with the Freelance Police in hot pursuit.

"You going to aim for the tires this time, little buddy?" Sam asked as Max pulled out his gun. "Or perchance the mirrors?"

"You crazy? I'm going right for the driver!" Max said as he took aim. "I always DID love a moving target!"

**44 – Walk**

Sam heard the door to the office open quickly, then slam shut just as fast. Sam looked and saw that Max had just entered the office, although looking a little freaked-out, which was a little out-of-character for him.

"Weren't you off on your walk to the park, Max?" Sam asked.

"No, and on a completely unrelated matter, I need a ticket on the fastest flight to Bolivia." Max said casually as he strolled past.

**45 – Spy**

"Okay, youse guys. It's become apparent that there's a spy in our ranks." A member of the Toy Mafia said as he looked at a line of other members. "You know what that means, don't you?"

"Boss, how're we gonna find the spy without removing our masks?!" One member asked. "I can't tell us apart otherwise!"

"I'm aware of that, Cuddly." The leader said. "It pains me to see that a spy was able to slip past out defenses so easily. He could be any one of us by now! But the real question is this: Where are we going to find him?!"

The others looked at each other. This included an extremely-short figure wearing an oversized bear mask. He wasn't even wearing the usual suits the others were, thus showing his white body.

"When do we eat?" The high-pitched voice of the figure asked as the others seemed to ignore him.

**46 – Scary**

Sam and Max were able to convince a few of their friends (aka the only people that weren't afraid to go near them) to go on a camping trip and were in the process of telling scary stories. Max was holding a flashlight to his face and had just finishing his turn for telling his tale.

Abe's eyes were wide in shock, Sybil was clutching herself in terror, Flint Paper was sweating buckets and Bosco had long since passed out. Sam looked unaffected, and turned to his little friend.

"I'm not sure if a trip to your grandmother's place qualifies as a scary story, little buddy."

"Hey, it got the job done!"

**47 – Lazy**

Sam and Max sat in their office, Sam and his desk and Max at his table, both looking extremely bored. Sam was leaning back and staring at the ceiling, as if counting the bullet holes made on previous occasions. Max looked like he had fallen asleep at his little table, because the only thing that signified that the rabbit-thing was awake was the fact that he was etching a drawing into the table with his fingernail.

"I hear Leonard is back in town and is scamming people left and right." Sam said lazily. "We should look into that."

"Yeah. Maybe we should." Max sighed.

Neither of the two moved.

**48 – Heart**

"Hey, Stinky! Happy Valentine's Day!" Max said as he entered the diner with a little package.

The green-haired girl lifted an eyebrow as Max handed her the package. "For me? Oh, Mack, you shouldn't have." She said as she opened the package and looked in. Her eyes snapped open as she promptly put the lid back on the box again. "W-Where on earth did you get this?!"

"What? I thought it was customary to give a girl a heart on Valentine's Day." Max scratched his head.

**49 – Tuesday**

"Looks like Mack Salmon is back in town, little buddy." Sam noted as he read a newspaper.

"It's been so long! What type of interrogation do we use when we catch him?" Max asked.

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"That means its 'Boxing Glove and Machine Gun' day."

"Yay!"

**50 – Fifty**

"I can't believe that the author of this stupid story subjected us to fifty of these things." Max said as he and Sam walked through a void of white.

"Such is the way of an author. Once the imagination hits a road block, they resort to things like this." Sam shrugged.

"You think I can set the guy on fire if we see him?"

"Only if you let me cover him in gasoline."

"Sure thing, Sam! What're friends for, anyway?"

_**END**_


End file.
